Bittersweet
by TheGreenBook
Summary: Alec discovers that his parabatai may want more than just someone to train with. This starts before City of Bones and contains Lemons, Slash, and M rated Content. Jalec! Please review and enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Welcome to my first attempt at Jalec. This starts before City of Bones and will deal exclusively with Jace and Alec. There will be several chapters. Please review as you wish, and please enjoy. Remember, I own none of these characters!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

**Bittersweet**

When we say that something is bittersweet,  
>it usually means something scary, painful, yet pleasant.<br>So if Life is sweet and Death is bitter,  
>Then surely Love must be without a doubt - bittersweet.<p>

_~ Angivel of Zanarcadia_

Robert Lightwood had been a wonderful father to Alec. He had explained most anything Alec might need to know about life as a Shadowhunter. Robert had fought in many great battles, and his advice was indispensible. However, for other things, Robert was less forthcoming with his advice. When it came to sexual education, Alec and his parabatai, Jace, sat through six hours of embarrassing diagrams and Hodge's mumbling words. On that subject, Robert only instilled three more key pieces of advice for when it came to sex: it was important to always wear protection, be smart, and never, ever give your heart to someone who wouldn't give their heart in return.

Alec still had questions. He wanted to know how it was possible for Jace to go from the boy he regularly pinned to the mat during training exercises to the boy who made his heart skip a beat whenever he got to close. He wanted to know how Jace could be covered with dirt, mud, and perhaps a little blood but still appear to be absolutely beautiful. Alec wanted to, no, he needed to know how he could manage to fall in love with Jace Wayland.

It had started off innocently enough, in the Library of all places, during schooling. After the age of fourteen, Jace had taken on his own scent that was a mix of sweat and soap. Alec couldn't help it, he wanted to be closer to that smell, so once in a while, he would move his chair closer to Jace's. If they had to read from the same book, it was even better, because that meant Alec had to be close to Jace, had to nearly press his arm against Jace's arm, had to breathe in Jace's sweet smell and bathe in it. They would sit for four hours at a time and Alec would spend half of that time semi aroused and barely paying attention to Hodge's droning. In time, Jace developed a little crush on Isabelle. Meanwhile, Alec found himself falling more and more in love with Jace.

Jace had been the one to make the first move. It had been a hot summer afternoon, after weapons training. They had been just told to clean up and get ready for dinner. As usual, Hodge let them to their own devices and as usual, Jace waited until he was gone from the training room before he took a running start straight from across the room and slammed himself into Alec. Alec flew through the air and landed on a training mat and Jace landed on top of him. Alec sunk his fingers into Jace's sides, trying to flip Jace over to get the upper hand, but he couldn't, because Jace still outweighed him by a good twenty pounds. Normally, Jace would spend his time on top of Alec doing awful things to the boy beneath him. Pulling Alec's drawers part of the way down and digging his fingers into the disastrously ticklish place just inside of Alec's hips was only one of the many things Jace tortured Alec with.

On this day, Alec shoved his hands up Jace's shirt, looking for a bit of fat to hold on to, either to pinch or tickle, but there was none. Jace pushed back the hair that lay in sweaty tendrils across Alec's forehead and peered down into Alec's eyes, studying him. He leaned over, sniffed at Alec's neck, and licked at the place just beneath Alec's ear. Alec felt his heart start to pound. He blushed, which did not help the feeling of warmth suddenly spreading through his body. Jace sighed, sniffed again, and then licked a long, slow line up the side of Alec's neck. It tickled at first, and Alec shivered, trying to pull away, but then he closed his eyes and felt the nerves in his neck suddenly ignite with heat. Alec whimpered and gripped Jace's waist tighter as he turned his head. He felt warmth below his ear and Jace gave a soft moan of approval before pulling away.

"Pretzels," Jace mumbled. "I think we should have pretzels and mustard for a snack."

"But dinner is going to be ready in an hour," Alec said. Jace looked deep into Alec's eyes and licked his lips.

"But I'm hungry now," Jace whispered. He climbed off of Alec and walked into the locker room. Bewildered, Alec waited a second and then followed.

By the time Alec had walked into the locker room, Jace had already stripped off his clothes, thrown them into a hamper, and stepped beneath a shower head in the next room. Alec went to his locker and got his flip flops and shower caddy of shampoo, conditioner, face wash, and soap. Usually, Jace showered in less than a minute and was out of the showers long before Alec went in. It wasn't that he was embarrassed about Jace seeing him naked- they had seen each other naked plenty of times- but it was that Alec could still feel Jace's tongue on his neck and the feeling of warmth in his body was still there, manifesting itself in an obvious way.

Jace began singing a song in Romanian. It was a long song with several complicated verses and Alec had a feeling Jace planned on taking a very long shower. Finally, Alec undressed, wrapped a towel around his waist, put on his flip flops, got his products, and walked into the shower room.

Jace was standing at the corner shower head, tangling his fingers into his golden hair as ribbons of water twisted their way down his body. His eyes were closed and he was stark naked as he sang. Alec removed the towel from his waist, hung it on a hook beside the door, turned a shower on cold, and stepped beneath it. Predictably, the ice water and Romanian dirge cooled his body quickly, but then Alec got a headache so he turned the water on warm and ducked his head beneath it, keeping his back to Jace.

Jace's voice got louder as he walked across the shower room and joined Alec beneath his shower head. Jace reached into Alec's caddy, got his shampoo, and poured some into his hand as he continued to sing. He rubbed his hands together, dropped them onto Alec's head, and began to scrub Alec's hair. He raked his nails into Alec's scalp, causing waves of pain and pleasure to run up and down Alec's spine. Alec stood stock still, a horrified look on his face. Occasionally, Jace's warm, slick skin brushed against Alec's back and in those moments he tried to think about something to distract himself, but he could not. He looked down and watched himself slowly swell and harden and he just hoped to the Angel above that Jace just wouldn't notice.

Then the singing stopped, and Alec could only hear water pounding on the floor and Jace's soft breathing behind him. Jace rinsed Alec's hair, then added conditioner and rinsed that as well. Alec was certain, now, that Jace would just leave him alone to finish his shower, but Jace didn't. He turned Alec so that Alec was facing him, then pushed Alec beneath the water, so that it cascaded down over Alec's face. Alec closed his eyes to keep the water out, and then felt a pair of warm lips press to his. Alec tried to pull away but Jace rested a hand on his lower back and forced his tongue between Alec's teeth. Alec gasped a little and considered pulling away, but Jace was there, kissing him this way, and so Alec kissed back. He was so confused because he hadn't expected this and he hadn't planned on it and he had never kissed someone before… Jace pulled away and kissed Alec once more, quickly.

"Pudding," Jace said. Alec nodded. "I want pudding, so meet me in the kitchen. I'll need you to distract your mother while I get two pudding cups from the pantry. Do you want chocolate or vanilla?"

"Vanilla," Alec said.

"Me to," Jace said. He stepped out from beneath the water. Jace grabbed Alec's towel, put it around his waist, and walked out of the shower room. Alec lifted his hand to his mouth and ran his index finger over his bottom lip, thinking about how he never expected his first kiss to feel that wet.

* * *

><p>The week passed long and frustratingly slow. Alec felt like he was waiting for something to happen but nothing ever happened. The days went as they usually did. Up early in the morning, breakfast in the kitchen, classes until lunch, then time for lunch to settle, then an afternoon spent being Jace's punching bag. It wasn't that Jace hurt him, no, Jace just pushed Alec to do his best but Alec couldn't handle the idea of hurting Jace, so Alec pretended to miss punches on purpose. After training was the shower, where Jace sang and danced and Alec washed his hair quietly and wondered if Jace would ever get close to him again.<p>

Then, a whole seven days after Jace had first kissed him, there was breakfast, school, lunch, a nap, training, and finally, a shower at the end of another wrestling match on the mat. This time, Alec put his back to the wall as he washed his hair. Jace took the shower across from him, completely naked, and put on his usual self pleasure by scalp massage routine. Alec watched.

Finally, Jace turned off his shower and walked over to Alec's, rudely bumping Alec out of the way to get to the warm water pouring down. Jace filled his mouth with some water, swished it around, spit it out, then took Alec by the arms and pulled him back underneath so they were facing each other. Alec closed his eyes and they kissed again, longer this time. Jace ran his fingers down the back of Alec's arm, took his hand, and pressed it to his own half stiff erection. Alec wrapped his fingers around it, marveling at the width more than the length, and found himself fascinated by the feeling of something that felt so familiar, and yet so foreign- just for a second. Then Alec dropped it like a hot potato and shook his head, his eyes still shut.

"It's okay," Jace whispered. "You don't have to. But here… let me…" Jace took firm hold of Alec's now painful erection and began to stroke. With his other hand, he turned up the hot water so it was warmer on Alec's back. Alec leaned into the water more and felt Jace's hand on his back, supporting him. Jace kissed Alec again, gently, and slid his hand up and down Alec's shaft.

"What if someone sees?" Alec mumbled.

"There's a Clave meeting," Jace replied. "Remember?" Alec smiled against Jace's lips and spread his knees a little. He found that by shifting his weight just the slightest bit forward and back, he could slide his erection in and out of the tight circle Jace had made with his hand. Alec moaned and laid his head against Jace's shoulder for a second. He was beginning to feel dizzy and his lower stomach was starting to throb, just like it did all of those nights he lay in his bed and thought about Jace doing just this, only it was Alec's hand doing the work. Was this really happening?

"We shouldn't be doing this," Alec said.

"But I want to," Jace replied. He tried kissing Alec some more but Alec found it difficult to focus on the kissing and what Jace's hand was doing to him at the same time. Jace seemed pretty persistent. It was obvious what Jace wanted Alec to do, but Alec was unsure about producing the results.

"I can't," Alec mumbled.

"Of course you can. You're just thinking about it too much," Jace said. "Come for me, Alec; you know you want to."

Alec smiled again and pressed his lips to Jace's. Jace kissed back, softly and carefully, while his right hand continued to work Alec into frenzy, pumping up and down, squeezing at intervals. His left hand dug into Alec's lower back, holding Alec up. Alec felt bicep against his back and every muscle of Jace's stomach against his side. Alec wanted more skin on skin contact so he finally turned to Jace and put his arms around Jace's shoulders. Jace ran his left hand down to Alec's backside, released his erection, and began to kiss Alec hard, passionate, and hungry.

Alec fell backwards against the cold cement wall and pulled Jace with him. Jace pressed his body into Alec's, closed his eyes, and tangled his tongue with Alec's. Alec reached down, grabbed a handful of Jace's well toned backside, and pulled Jace's crotch against his own. Their erections smashed together. It should have hurt but it felt anything but painful.

There were so many sensations crashing together, it was hard to keep track. Jace was warm from his shower. His body was slick and smelled of a crisp soap. He was hard and pushing himself against Alec's lower stomach. Alec was just as hard, perhaps harder than Jace, and his shaft was rubbing back against Jace's, causing skin to slip against skin and the most unusual feelings to pass up through Alec's body.

The water had run cold and it poured down on them both, giving Jace goose bumps and causing his nipples to harden into two tiny pink nubs. Alec looked at Jace's chest in front of him. Before he knew it, he had one of the nipples in his mouth. He began sucking and biting on it as Jace started to make noises in his throat, so Alec moved to Jace's other nipple and did the same thing. He felt Jace harden even more and press back against him, more frantic then ever before.

Jace's eyes snapped open. He stared at Alec, and Alec waited to be punched in the face because what he had done just had to have been wrong. Jace reached down, grabbed Alec's right leg, and lifted it, pulling it around his back so that Alec was partially held in his arms and partially pinned against the wall. It was the perfect angle. Suddenly, Alec's erection was pressed firmly against Jace's body, and when Jace began to again kiss and rub against him, Alec felt the skin of Jace's hard, muscular stomach on every inch of his aching cock.

"Harder," Alec pleaded. He reached down and pulled Jace tighter against himself. Jace growled and bit Alec's lower lip. His hand held Alec by the backside and he tugged Alec's body against his. Alec felt his eyes flicker closed and he forced them back open. He forced himself to look in Jace's eyes, to remember this moment… to… Alec couldn't think about anything but what was happening between them. Late at night, all alone in his bed… it had never felt this good before.

Jace gasped Alec's name and rubbed against him until it hurt, but within the pain, something began to feel pleasurable. Alec tangled his hands in Jace's hair and pulled Jace's head back. He sunk his teeth into the side of Jace's neck and bit down to keep from screaming. There was heat, more pain, and then Alec felt his legs shake. He pulled Jace harder against himself, until there was no room for anything between them, and Jace's body throbbed with the same intensity as Alec's as they both hit the point of no return and finally, mercifully, came.

In the seconds after Jace could only stare at Alec and Alec could only look back, scared and unsure of what might happen next. Then Jace released Alec's leg and he dropped it back to the floor.

Alec's legs were shaking and he wanted to hold on to Jace. He wanted to bury his face in Jace's chest and hope that at some point his heart might stop pounding, but Jace only looked at him, his face expressionless. Jace turned his back, walked across the shower room, and turned on a shower head. He rinsed his face, hair, and body with his back to Alec. Alec stood beneath the ice cold water and thought that this was how it felt to have everything, only to have everything cruelly jerked away.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this. Reviews modivate me to update faster!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! Feel free to keep them coming, as they encourage me to keep putting up new chapters. This wouldn't be as fun to write if I didn't know people were reading and enjoying it! **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

That night, Alec dressed in his usual pajama pants and crawled into bed. It was warm in his room but Alec just couldn't sleep like Jace could, naked as the night he was born. He couldn't handle the sheets and blankets touching his most sensitive places. He had tried before, since the Institute lacked air conditioning, but he could never make it a whole night without pulling on a pair of well worn pajama pants.

Jace was the exact opposite. Every year, as soon as New York got warm, Jace started sleeping naked. Alec saw him once, one night, when Church had pushed open Jace's door and Alec had gotten up to get a glass of water from the kitchen. He had glanced inside Jace's room, out of curiosity more than anything, and had seen Jace, completely naked.

The golden haired boy had been lying in his bed on his back. His chest was bare and there was only the slightest bit of hair on his lower stomach. A light sheen of sweat covered his pecs and was just barely visible in the moonlight coming through the window. A sheet was pulled up between his legs, but both of Jace's long, muscular, legs were visible. He wasn't even wearing underpants and Alec could see the outline of Jace's thick cock beneath the sheet, semi hard due to the humidity in the room. Alec had been so shocked, and perhaps… so aroused… he forgot all about the water and had returned to his room.

Now, Alec turned off the light on his bedside table and laid his head on the pillow. In the room next door, Jace banged around his room. He was like a vampire, able stay up all night, pacing, reading, mumbling to himself, and still be fresh and wide awake the next morning. Alec closed his eyes, listened to the traffic driving by, and began to count backwards from a hundred. The counting did little to soothe the stirring Alec began to feel beneath the sheet on his bed. With every odd number that crossed his mind, Alec saw something from today's shower.

99… Jace's gorgeous cock, hanging half mast in the shower room.

97… Jace's body bumping into Alec's beneath the warm water.

95… The scent of soap on skin. The feeling of Jace's stiff member in Alec's hand, slippery and smooth…

93… Jace's hand on his thigh, pushing Alec against the wall. Lips and teeth.

91. The hair on Jace's lower stomach rubbing against Alec's stomach.

89.

Alec's hand moved beneath his pajama pants. He was barely hard, but a few strokes of his hand caused his cock to stiffen quite readily. The head of it brushed against the soft flannel of his pants. He was sensitive, but not in a bad way, so the friction and heat of the head of his penis rubbing against fabric felt quite pleasant.

Alec pulled his legs up so his knees were bent. He took his index finger and traced it over the seam beneath his balls, where everything came together so nicely in a thin line of nerve endings. Alec pictured Jace beneath the shower head, letting the water drip from the ends of his hair and down his back, into the crack of his ass and on down his legs, to the floor. Sometimes, Alec found himself jealous of the water. At least the water got to touch every inch of Jace's skin. Alec only got to touch the bits that Jace allowed him to touch.

Alec found himself wanting to feel warm water against his skin, the way Jace did, so Alec licked two of the fingers on his left hand and slipped them beneath his pajama pants as well. He ran those wet fingers over the skin stretched tight over muscles at the very bottom of his body. He didn't touch the place he could touch, but got close enough to feel little spasms running up his back. The thought of touching that place… to penetrate it and find all sorts of new ways to pleasure himself… was enough to arouse Alec the rest of the way.

A soft moan came from Alec's mouth, so he squeezed his lips tight and focused only on his touches. He moved his fingers as close to the sensitive ring of skin as possible, and thought about Jace lying beneath him on the mat in the training room, breathless and at his mercy. Alec's lower body started to feel hot and even a bit heavy, and he was so entranced by the sensations and he didn't even hear the door open. He only sensed a presence beside the bed, opened his eyes, and saw Jace.

Jace smiled and looked down at the covers, where Alec's hands were still moving. Alec jerked his hands from his pants, but Jace just smirked and climbed into Alec's bed. Jace was dressed in short boxers that came to his mid thigh, and nothing else.

"What have we here?" Jace mumbled. He pushed the sheets down, revealing Alec's still hidden erection. "Alec. I thought we took care of this earlier." Alec couldn't speak. He swallowed quickly, his face burning with a blush. Jace put his hands on the elastic waistband of Alec's pants and pushed them down, causing Alec's erection to bounce up like it had been contained in far too small of a place. Jace tossed the pants onto the floor, and then opened his mouth, leaned over, and swallowed Alec… whole.

Alec moaned and sunk his hands into the mattress as warm, slippery spit covered his shaft, top of bottom. Jace faced Alec's feet and straddled Alec's body, so that his crotch was close to Alec's face and his tight, muscular ass was up in the air. Jace smelled fresh and clean despite the shower being several hours ago… but then again, Jace could have taken another shower. It was almost like Jace wanted something from Alec, and had taken extra precautions to ensure a pleasant experience.

Alec took his fingers and drew open the left leg of Jace's shorts. He could see Jace's cock, still slightly soft and nonthreatening, so Alec reached up and ran his fingers along the bottom of it, causing Jace to make a throaty moan. The noise sent vibrations up Alec's cock, and his legs shook as Jace began to probe his tongue inside Alec's tightly stretched slit. Alec pulled his hand away from Jace shorts, but pushed himself deeper into Jace's mouth, and then apologized profusely, but Jace didn't appear to mind. Instead, he took Alec deeper into his mouth.

Alec looked up to see Jace bouncing above him as Jace slid his lips up and down Alec's erection. Alec again moved Jace's boxers to the side, just so he could gain the slightest bit of access, and with a careful, teasing motion, Alec ran the tip of his tongue up the underside of Jace's cock, until he reached the head. Jace moaned again and thrust his hips as he tried to find Alec's mouth. Alec knew he could take Jace right now, and do what Jace clearly wanted, but instead, he simply said,

"Ask me for it."

Jace pulled his mouth from Alec's erection and looked back to Alec. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and desperate.

"Please, Alec," Jace said, "suck it."

Alec smiled, reached up, and pulled Jace's boxers down. Jace kicked them away then straddled Alec once more. Alec took Jace's erection and slipped it into his mouth. It tasted like soap and skin, and because of the position Alec was in, slipped into his mouth and down his throat. Alec gagged and tears came to his eyes. Jace lifted his hips, pulling himself from Alec mouth. He looked down between his legs with a frown.

"Take a little at a time," Jace said. "I know, it's a lot of handle." Alec wanted to pinch Jace in a very sensitive place but he was also desperately horny and he had begun to worry that his hand alone might never be able to pleasure him, ever again.

Jace lay down on his side and pulled Alec's hips towards him. Alec rolled onto his side and found that by laying his head against his arm, he was at a good angle to take Jace back into his mouth, which was exactly what Jace did to Alec. Jace paused once again, after a minute of licking and sucking, and mumbled something about how Alec shouldn't scream so loud when he came, because his mother might hear. Alec barely heard it. Instead, he covered his teeth with his lips and sucked his way up and down Jace's long, lean, shaft. Jace took the hint.

Time ceased to exist. Alec only thought of the skin in front of his eyes that smelled like Jace. Occasionally, Alec took the tip of his tongue and traced it from the bottom of Jace's shaft, where it met his body, all the way up its veined underside, to the little V-of skin located at the bottom of the spongy head of Jace's cock. Jace was cut- they all were, something about how the Angel preferred it, Alec was sure. Every time Alec wiggled his tongue over that bit of skin, Jace's erection throbbed with blood, so Alec took to licking there. Often. Meanwhile, Jace rubbed his cheek against Alec's thigh and continued licking and sucking and he hardly ever let Alec out of his mouth.

Alec found himself pushing his erection into Jace's mouth, like he had been doing before. He wanted to stop but couldn't. Jace started doing the same thing as he softly moaned. Alec felt the strange unraveling feeling once more.

"Jace," Alec mumbled. "Jace, I'm going to…"

"I know," Jace said.

Alec closed his eyes but he just couldn't take it. Jace got him closer and closer to orgasm and Alec started to take out his frustration of not yet coming on Jace's cock. He licked generously and sucked tightly and was rewarded by Jace reaching down and touching himself. The sight of that was so hot, Alec nearly exploded, but he held off. He tasted salt in his mouth, and then tasted more of it, and he thought that maybe Jace was coming, but Jace was still pushing himself, gently, in and out of Alec's mouth.

Jace continued to get harder and kept drizzling the salty taste into Alec's mouth. Alec found that he couldn't get enough of the taste of Jace, so he moaned and sucked some more, forcing Jace into a frenzy. Jace sucked Alec harder, his brow sweating against Alec's leg, and began to whimper.

"Suck it," Jace hissed. "Please, Alec." Alec did as he was told and continued to suck until he felt Jace's body release.

Alec pulled away at the last second and pointed Jace's cock somewhere other than near his face. He wrapped his hand around the base of Jace's erection and squeezed, causing a long, thin, white line of semen to burst forth from Jace and land on Alec's pillow. Jace didn't stop to gasp or catch his breath, he just sucked Alec harder, until Alec felt himself shoot all the way down Jace's throat.

Jace released Alec with a pop, fell on his side, and laid his head on Alec's thigh. Jace's face felt sweaty against the sensitive place between his legs and Alec wanted to ask Jace to move but at the same time, he liked Jace down there.

"Alec," Jace mumbled. He twirled his fingers around Alec's navel, and then traced his finger down. He drummed lightly on the bit of skin at the base of Alec's cock. "You made me make a mess." Jace climbed from the bed and walked across the floor. He brought a pair of boxer shirts to the bed and wiped away the mess he made. Then he took the pillow case and carried it to the bathroom, murmuring something about a bloody nose. Alec remained in the bed, frozen, and listened as Jace rinsed out the pillow case and tossed it into a hamper. Jace returned to the bedroom with a fresh pillow case he covered Alec's pillow with. He climbed into bed, put an arm around Alec, and kissed him on the cheek. "Good night."

Jace rested his head on the pillow and fell asleep quickly. Alec lay in the bed, completely naked, and wished for his pajama pants.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please review!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Sorry I am tossing these chapters out so fast. I have multiple projects going on so I try to post things when I can. Thanks for reviewing. It means a lot to me to know my stories are being read and enjoyed. Remember: I own none of these characters!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

The next morning, Jace and Alec woke up together, showered separately, and went down to breakfast. Isabelle was loudly complaining about something as Maryse made pancakes. Jace poured himself a cup of coffee and neither Maryse nor Robert said anything, not that they would dare challenge Jace, who was far too young to be drinking coffee. Jace walked around the Institute like he owned it.

Alec thought about an hour ago, when he opened his eyes to see Jace still snoring beside him. He wanted to pinch himself but then Jace had climbed from the bed and left the room, turning his back on Alec and acting like last night hadn't even happened. Even when they walked downstairs together, Jace never once mentioned anything that had transpired last night, and had Alec not seen the damp pillowcase sitting in his hamper, he might have thought he had just dreamed the whole thing. But something had happened last night, and Jace was pretending it hadn't.

At breakfast, Robert and Maryse announced that they were going to Idris on business the following day, and would leave the Institute in Hodge's capable hands. Jace smiled wickedly when Maryse's back was turned, and Alec felt himself blush. Immediately following breakfast, Alec and Jace went to their usual lessons, and then were assigned book reports that were due the following morning. They were given two hours to work on their reports before training, so they each found the book they were to report on, and then went to sit in the corner of the Library.

Jace cracked his book open first, cleared his throat, and got down to work. Alec sat across from him and looked Jace over, from his golden hair on down his face. Jace was losing the soft, boyish features in his face and had begun to take on the hardened look of a man. His lips were pursed his thought and he drummed his fingers on the table, the same way he had drummed them on Alec's lower stomach last night.

"You're really not going to talk about last night?" Alec asked. He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice but there it was, raw like a fresh blister from a new pair of boots.

Jace sighed and wrote a few notes in his note book with his perfect, Idris taught penmanship. He didn't look up and Alec found himself feeling disheartened, because after everything last night, Jace could have at least given him the respect to look him in the eye.

"Do we need to talk about it?" Jace asked. "I heard you moaning. I thought you were having a nightmare so I went into your room and saw that you were… masturbating." Alec's face flamed red with blood. "I thought I might help. I thought we could help each other. That's what parabatai do."

Alec looked around the Library, found they were alone, then stood up, walked around the table, and sat beside Jace. He looked down at the book Jace was reporting on and studied the well worn pages filled with fading words. Alec ran a finger over a page and found the parchment to be smooth in some places and rough in others. Jace placed one hand on Alec's thigh, the other on his cheek, and kissed Alec gently on the lips.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Jace asked. He was leaning close, so close, Alec could feel warmth radiating off his skin. No one could have heard their conversation even if they tried. "You wanted it, right?"

Alec blushed again and looked away, but Jace placed a finger beneath his chin and turned Alec's face back to his. He kissed Alec again, opening his mouth to offer his tongue. Alec kissed back in one second and pulled away in the next. Alec could lose himself in this kiss, but he refused to.

"Of course I wanted it," Alec said.

"I wanted it to," Jace said. He kissed Alec once more, and then turned back to his book, leaving his right hand still on Alec's thigh. Alec reached over, got his book, and pulled it across the table.

"So do you plan on doing more?" Alec asked.

"I'll do whatever you want me to," Jace said. "But right now I really need to work on this book report."

Alec's mind filled with countless scenarios involving he and Jace, naked, doing scandalous things all over the Institute. He felt his stomach get warm, which caused him to acquire a blush across his cheeks that didn't go away quickly.

* * *

><p>After study time there was training, and after training there was a passionate wrestling match on the training room mat, and then there was a shower where they ended up kissing beneath one shower head again. After that, they went to dinner. Robert and Maryse had already left, so dinner was quiet before Jace and Alec went back to their rooms to work on their book reports.<p>

Alec was tired by the time he dressed in his pajamas and climbed beneath the sheets in his bed. He was almost asleep when the door opened and Jace walked into the room, closing the door behind himself. He gave Alec a smile as he tiptoed across the room with exaggerated steps. Jace pulled the sheet back and climbed into bed beside Alec. He buried his face into Alec's neck and began to suck at the skin there. Alec found his left hand gripping Jace's side as he tried to quell the moans that threatened to escape his mouth.

Jace moved beneath the sheet, licking long, luxurious trails up the side of Alec's chest. His fingers moved down to the waist band of Alec's pajama pants. He pulled them down and dropped them onto the floor, tossed his own shorts down as well, then took Alec in his mouth and began to suck gently. Alec hardened quickly in the warm space of Jace's mouth, and when Jace gripped Alec's thighs and parted them so he could lie between them, Alec allowed himself to be opened up. His most personal parts were suddenly within inches of Jace, and neither was objecting. Alec pulled the sheet back so he could see Jace. Jace's eyes were shut and his mouth was coating Alec's erection with slippery spit.

Jace removed his mouth from Alec's cock, and then placed the first two fingers of his left hand into his mouth. He gripped Alec's shaft with his other hand and began to stroke as he stared into Alec's eyes and sucked on his fingers. Alec closed his eyes and pushed himself more into Jace's hand, then opened his eyes to watch. After less than a minute, Jace pulled his fingers out, resumed sucking Alec's cock, and dipped his hand low. He touched the small bit of skin and muscle, beneath Alec's testicles, and then touched lower. Alec felt pressure and then Jace's first finger slipped inside of him.

Alec groaned and pulled away, but Jace was still there, his finger inside of Alec as he continued to lick. He probed at the head of Alec's cock with his tongue and Alec shuddered, his knees falling to the sides. His stomach clenched tight and shivered for a moment, then lay still beneath Jace's right hand. When Jace added another finger, Alec was prepared, and this time, when Jace began to push his fingers in deeper, looking for the elusive spot Alec had only heard rumor of, Alec pushed down, suddenly desperate. When Jace found the spot, Alec cried out, then bit his lower lip as his nipples hardened and he felt like coming. Jace probed at the place, moving his fingers against it, and Alec moaned louder, finding himself breathless.

Jace backed off, touching the spot only when Alec least expected it, and added a third finger, which started off tight and uncomfortable, but as Jace kept at it, Alec found himself able to relax around Jace's fingers. Finally, Jace pulled his fingers out, lifted his mouth off of Alec's cock, sat up, and knelt between Alec's legs. Jace looked down at Alec and smiled, then took Alec's right leg and pulled it aside, hooking his right arm beneath Alec's knee. His left hand stroked himself a few times, and then he pressed himself against the place his fingers had just been. He didn't slip in the way his fingers had, so Jace pushed harder.

There was an awful tearing pain in the place that had just felt good. Alec moaned and jerked away, nearly kicking Jace. He found the corner of the bedsheet and pulled it up, covering himself.

"What are you doing?" Alec asked.

"What you want," Jace replied. "I thought you were a virgin and maybe you would want me to be your first time. I thought we would have sex." Alec stared at Jace for a second. Jace honestly looked concerned and there was no doubt that he was aroused. Everything had just happened so fast. Alec hadn't expected his first time to be this way, and he hadn't expected it to be with Jace.

"Do you have a condom?" Alec asked. Jace looked at Alec like Alec was speaking the one language Jace couldn't understand. Alec pulled the sheet up higher. All of the warmth in his belly had disappeared. There had been a cool breeze coming in the window and it chilled Alec's sweating chest.

"I'm not going to get you pregnant," Jace said. "Besides, you're a virgin-"

"And you aren't," Alec said. "The condom doesn't necessarily protect just you. It would protect me to." Hodge had spent an hour of the six hour lecture stressing the importance of condoms. Naturally, Hodge had been mumbling his way through the basics of contraception, but the lesson was the same. Condoms were for protection and Alec wanted all the protection he could get.

"I sucked your cock but you don't think I'm clean?" Jace asked.

"Jace," Alec said. "You've been with other people. I know there are healing runes but it's still important to me that you-"

"I understand perfectly, Alec. Maybe I'm just not good enough to take your precious virtue," Jace said. "Good luck finding someone better." Jace climbed from the bed, found his shorts, pulled them on, and left the room.

* * *

><p>Alec spent the next few hours staring at the ceiling and listening to Jace pace next door before his door finally opened again and Jace walked in. He climbed into bed beside Alec and rested a hand on Alec's stomach. Alec turned to Jace. The tears had long dried from his face and in the darkness, Jace couldn't see that he had been crying.<p>

"It's your first time," Jace said. "If you want it to be with me, I'll go to the drug store tomorrow and get whatever you want. I'm sorry I got mad before. My first time was with some girl I can't even remember. You deserve a better first time."

Alec nodded. When Jace slipped his hand beneath Alec's shorts once more, reigniting Alec's desire almost instantaneously, Alec spread his legs and let Jace do what they both wanted. When he was finished, he laid his head on Jace's bicep, didn't reciprocate, and fell into a deep sleep as Jace held him close.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading. Please review? Show some love.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please enjoy and review!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

Early the next morning, Alec and Jace woke up, had a breakfast of cold cereal, and then turned in their book reports. Hodge had given them the rest of the day off, so Alec went to spend time with Isabelle, since if he didn't neglect her now, she might leave him alone when he needed left alone later. Jace left the Institute and was gone several hours before he turned up at the door to Isabelle's room to find Alec helping Isabelle rearrange the furniture in her room again. Isabelle saw Jace holding a bag from the Duane Reade drug store down the street. She demanded to know why Jace hadn't told her he was going but Jace threw a bag of her favorite candy at her face. Isabelle let Jace off the hook and Alec go without protest.

"Thank the Angel I got back before she did your make up," Jace said. He walked into his room and Alec followed, closing the door. Jace was sweaty from the humid weather outside, and Alec caught the smell of exhaust and asphalt beneath the typical clean Jace smell.

"That's not very nice," Alec said.

"You're the one helping your sister redecorate her room." Jace said. "Why are you being so sensitive? I got what you wanted, parabatai. I even got a little something extra."

From one bag, Jace pulled out a bottle of red wine. Alec had a second to comprehend that it was alcohol and they were still few years away from the legal drinking age for mundanes, which was still one mundane law the Clave chose to enforce. He swallowed nervously, and Jace shoved the bottle of wine into one of the boots in his closet. He emptied another bag onto the bed and out fell a box of condoms, a tube of lubricant, and a bag of pull and peel licorice. Jace lifted the bag of licorice, opened it, and had a piece. Alec investigated the condoms.

"So tonight, then?" Alec asked. Jace tossed the condoms and lubricant into his bedside table and flopped onto the bed, reclining onto his pillows. He patted the bed beside himself and Alec sat beside him, lifting his thumb to his teeth to nibble a bit at the nail.

"Yeah, tonight. Your parents will be home tomorrow," Jace said.

"May I have please have some licorice?" Alec asked. Jace handed him the bag. "So how?"

"How?"

"How will you….?"

"We'll start with what we were doing last night but instead of stopping, we'll keep going," Jace said. "Eventually, I'll get off, and then you'll get off, and then we'll spend the night together. How does that sound?" Alec nodded and looked down at the floor. Jace grabbed Alec's hand and squeezed it tightly. "Alec, if you don't want this…" Alec closed his eyes and thought about how good Jace had made last night feel. He loved Jace and he wanted his first time to be with someone he loved.

"Do you love me?" Alec asked. Jace leaned over and kissed Alec on the lips.

"Of course I love you," Jace replied.

* * *

><p>The loud blast of a horn somewhere down on the street caused Alec's eyes to open sometime later. He was curled up in Jace's bed, facing the wall, and Jace's arm was around his stomach and up his shirt. His back felt warm where Jace was exhaling against him. Alec rolled onto his back, facing Jace, as Jace's eyes opened slowly. Jace lick his lips a little and smiled, then pulled at Alec's body until Alec had no choice but to straddle Jace's waist. Alec by the head and pulled him down, so that Alec had to press his lips to Jace's mouth. They kissed for a minute or two before Alec wiggled away.<p>

"I need to take a shower," Jace said. "Join me?"

Alec rested a hand on Jace's chest and listened carefully. It was late afternoon and they should have been at training but since Robert had gone to Idris, there hadn't been training. Isabelle would at her lessons with Hodge and with no one else on the resident floor of the Institute, they were truly alone.

"Let's," Alec said. He offered his hand and Jace took it, and together, they went into the bathroom.

Jace pulled Alec's shirt off and tossed it onto the floor, then kissed Alec's neck gently, tracing a warm line of moisture up to Alec's ear. Alec unbuttoned Jace's pants and pulled them down, but with Jace's hands on his chest, Alec couldn't get Jace's shirt off. Jace pulled Alec's pants down and reached down to touch him right away, but Alec got his foot caught up in Jace's pants and nearly fell. Jace grabbed Alec around the waist and pulled him against him to keep him upright. Alec pressed his face against Jace's chest and inhaled Jace's warm scent of sweat and lotion.

"Are you alright?" Jace mumbled. Alec nodded and closed his eyes. "You're being all weird. It's just sex, Alec. People have it every day. Do you really think you're parents went to Idris, over night, just for work?"

Alec blushed and Jace turned away. He put a hand down the side of his boxer shorts and pushed them to the floor, then kicked them aside and started the water in the shower. Alec looked over Jace's body, marveling how nicely built Jace was. Jace's body was all muscles and curves of more muscles wrapped with golden toned skin. Jace was a man and Alec still felt like a boy beside him despite actually being older than Jace.

"It's not just sex," Alec said, "It's never just sex."

"Okay, then, it's making love. It's sharing a common sexual experience. It's whatever fluffy Alec term you want to give it," Jace said.

"Alec term?" Alec asked. Jace reached into the shower, testing the water temperature. He didn't respond, so Alec crossed his arms across his chest.

"Fine. Maryse term," Jace said. "You know what I mean; she always used to come up with some sort of nice mollycoddling words to soften the blow of reality. It was never a laceration, it was a boo-boo. Sex isn't sex to her; its love, as if love and sex are two entirely different things."

"They are," Alec said. Jace walked over to Alec, lay a hand on his cheek, and stared into his eyes.

"I love you," Jace said, "now are you taking a shower with me, or not?"

Jace climbed into the shower and pulled the curtain across. Alec pushed his boxer shorts down, then crossed the bathroom and climbed in the shower beside Jace. He stood close by but Jace hogged all of the water as he proceeded to wash his hair. Alec tried not to think about the water on Jace's body but he found he couldn't, and it had a predictable effect on his body. Alec turned his back and stared at the wall, wishing for just once he could look at Jace's body and not want him in some way.

When Jace was finished washing his hair, he took his soap and washed every inch of Alec, from the middle of his shoulder blades on his back, down to his feet, and then let him rinse off beneath the warm water. Alec found himself starting to finally relax. Jace kissed him on the neck again, and then, on the lips.

"You smell so good," Jace said. "Would you like to make me smell good?" Alec nodded and took the soap from Jace, and did the same for Jace. He had to kneel on the floor of the shower to reach Jace's ankles. When Jace turned around to rinse off, Alec found Jace's swollen cock in his face. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Alec said. "It's all perfectly natrual." Jace gave him a smile, a shrug, and a nod. Alec took Jace's swollen cock in his mouth and began to suck. The water clouded his eyes as Alec looked up at Jace, who had taken to leaning against the shower wall and tangling his fingers in Alec's hair.

Alec had a vision of the future in one brief second. They were parabatai, he and Jace. They were supposed to be together as much as possible. No one would know they did these kinds of things. Alec would be 18 in a little more than a year, and then he and Jace could leave the Institute and get an apartment somewhere in the city and they could spend every day like this, being lovers. It would be perfect.

"Suck it," Jace said, his voice frantic, "Alec, you have to suck it."

Alec had lost focus during his daydream, but he got it back and attacked Jace's cock with renewed vigor. Jace put his hand on the back of Alec's head and guided Alec's head back and forth, forcing his cock to the back of Alec's mouth and down his throat, causing Alec to gag again and again. It was arousing to see Jace this turned on, and yet, Alec found himself not enjoying this the way he had the other night. It was forced, and as for as much as Alec did like it, he wanted to pull away and perhaps do something else, but Jace wouldn't let him.

Finally, mercifully, Jace came, but Alec hadn't had a chance to move and so the thick, salty liquid went right into his mouth. Alec pushed Jace away then and retched onto the floor. Tears came to his eyes but the awful tasting liquid finally came out and washed down the drain. Alec watched it go down, and then looked up at Jace, who was already rinsing Alec's spit from his cock.

"Honestly, Alec, I didn't know you had it in you!" Jace exclaimed. "You were made for this!"

Alec stood up and walked out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He walked out of Jace's room and saw Isabelle walking down the hall. She realized what room Alec had come from and her eyes looked surprised. He must have been crying but he didn't notice. Alec just walked into his room, went into the bathroom, knelt before the toilet, and kept gagging until he was sure all of the awful taste was gone.

"Alec," Jace said. Alec turned around to see Jace standing behind him, fully dressed. His hair was still soaked and his shirt was wet in various patches. He must have come straight from the shower. "Have I upset you?"

"Not at all," Alec said.

"Then why are you crying and getting sick?" Jace asked. Alec pulled his knees up and sat back against the wall beside the toilet. Jace sat beside him and took Alec's hand.

"I thought we could be lovers but then what you were doing… You were making me choke. It might have been pleasuring you but I wasn't enjoying myself," Alec said.

"You should have told me," Jace said.

Alec looked down at his feet. He was still dressed in only the bath towel. He felt naked and cold, but Jace was there, holding his hand. Alec couldn't explain why he hadn't been able to say anything, because Jace had him by the back of the head and he'd been pushing Alec's head so that Alec would take every bit of Jace that he could, and when Jace had a goal in mind, there was little that could be said or done to deter Jace from that goal. Jace was a driven individual. Never before had Alec both loved and hated that about him.

"Alec," Jace said, "I don't think you're ready for tonight."

"Of course I'm ready!" Alec exclaimed. "I was ready last night. I'm ready, Jace, I'm ready! Jace…" Alec grabbed Jace by either side of his face and kissed him, hard and passionately. "I love you, Jace."

"I love you to," Jace said.

"I'm ready," Alec said. "I promise, I'm ready."

Jace kissed Alec some more, then moved his hand beneath Alec's towel and touched him until Alec was just as aroused as Jace had been in the shower. Then Alec lay back on his bathmat and did to Jace what Jace had done to him. Jace gagged as Alec came and Alec didn't even look at him.

"I'm ready," Alec thought, "I love him, and I'm ready."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Please review. The next chapter is full of lemon fresh goodness and it is, as of this writing, finished...<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading this story. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I would love to hear what you thought of it.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

Hodge made burnt macaroni and cheese for dinner and Alec spent the meal avoiding eye contact with Jace. After dinner, Jace shoved a note into Alec's hand and left the kitchen. Alec went back to his room and opened the note.

_Room 251, 9:00. Come alone._

Alec folded the note and shoved it into his sock drawer, then occupied his time by taking a long, hot shower. He dressed in comfortable, but decent clothes, and at 8:55 snuck of out his room and went upstairs, where there were many more rooms. He went to room 251 and knocked on the door. Jace opened the door and stuck his head out. Alec could tell he was shirtless.

"You came early," Jace said. Alec blushed and the scolded himself, because Jace couldn't have meant it that way. "Come in." Jace opened the door the rest of the way and Alec walked in.

The room was tiny, containing only a bed, a dresser, and a desk. Jace had placed several candles across the top of the dresser, giving the room a dim and romantic glow. In the warm, stuffy air of the room, the candles smelled like orange blossoms. Alec turned to Jace.

"What do you think?" Jace asked.

"It's… perfect," Alec replied. "Why did you…?"

"I'm sorry about earlier. I just wanted this to be nice and comfortable," Jace said.

"It's perfect," Alec said. He stepped forward and attempted to kiss Jace on the lips, but Jace turned his head and Alec ended up kissing Jace's cheek. That didn't matter, because Jace took Alec's hand and brought him over to the bed. Alec sat down and Jace poured them each glasses of wine. Alec took his and had a sip. The wine was bitter and sweet all at the same time, and so strong, Alec could feel the alcohol on his breath. Jace sat beside him and took a deep sip of his wine as well. He reached over and took Alec's hand.

"You seem like the type who would want candles and wine," Jace said. "I would be perfectly fine screwing in some dark closet…"

"It's nice," Alec said. He had another sip of his wine and looked into the dark corners of the room. Jace gripped Alec's hand tighter and they each continued drinking their wine, until finally, Alec's glass was empty. He started to feel sick to his stomach but blamed it on dinner. Jace poured him a little more wine and Alec drank it. The room was starting to feel warmer and Alec thought about taking off his shirt, just like Jace had.

"So can I ask you something?" Jace asked. Alec had another sip of wine and nodded. "Last night, you said that a condom would protect you… but what do you need protected from?"

"Diseases and stuff," Alec said. "You heard Hodge. The mundane diseases sounded bad enough, and that doesn't count what you could catch from faeries and warlocks. I just wanted you to wear protection."

"And I will, Alec, I promise," Jace said. "It's just…" He gripped Alec's hand tighter and looked down at the floor, "I'm a virgin."

Alec lifted his glass of wine and had another sip.

"I know I always acted like I had been with girls… and it wasn't for lack of an opportunity… There were plenty of girls willing…" Jace said. Alec nodded. "I just never went… all the way. Don't you think I would have given you concrete details?" Alec nodded again. He felt his stomach flip a little, and he covered his mouth as he burped. "So I really don't have to wear a condom."

"I asked you to," Alec snapped. Jace quickly looked up at Alec. "I'm sorry. I would just feel better…"

"Alec," Jace said. He let go of Alec's hand and stood up. He poured more wine into his glass and had a sip, then ran a hand through his hair, which, framed by the glow of candle light, made him look somehow even more angelic. "I'm just going to say this. I think you want protection because you're afraid of more than just diseases. I think you're afraid to have sex with me. It's going to hurt, it might be uncomfortable, and…"

"I love you!" Alec exclaimed. "People have sex for a lot of dumb reasons but love isn't a dumb reason. When people love each other, they have sex, and that's why I want my first time to be with you."

"But Alec," Jace said. He sat down and took Alec's face in his hands. "I don't think we love each other the same way."

"I love you. I want to spend a life time with you. How else could I love you, and how else could you love me back?" Alec asked.

Jace sighed, shook his head, and then pressed his lips to Alec's. There was nothing left to say, because in that moment, each found themselves ready for the other. Jace took Alec's glass and set it beside his own on the dresser, then pulled Alec's shirt off. Alec stood up and Jace unbuttoned his pants. They kissed gently, and Alec unbuttoned Jace's pants. There was a moment of awkwardness, and then Jace reached down and pulled his own pants down, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear. Alec pushed his pants down but kept his plaid boxers on. Jace kissed Alec again, and somehow, they each kicked their pants aside. Jace pressed his naked body to Alec's skin, and Alec lay down on the bed. Jace lay beside him and teased his fingers beneath the waist band of Alec's shorts as Alec continued to kiss Jace.

"Do you want to touch me?" Jace asked. Alec moved his hand to Jace's crotch and began to stroke Jace's cock, causing it to harden fairly quickly. Jace shoved his hand down Alec's boxers and kissed Alec, but Alec found that his head was suddenly spinning. He was flaccid for the most part, as well. The thought of Jace's cock in his hand was supposed to be arousing… but it wasn't.

"I'm sorry…" Alec mumbled.

"It's fine. You just need something else," Jace said. He pulled Alec's boxer shorts down, dropped them to the floor, and then licked at the skin on the inside of Alec's hip. He continued licking and nibbling across the length of skin between Alec's hips. Anticipation began to build inside of Alec, and by the time Jace's lips got to the base of his erection, Alec was ready for Jace to take him into his mouth. As Jace's lips closed around Alec's shaft, hot blood drained into Alec's lower stomach and he cried out. Alec grabbed Jace by the sides of his head and pushed him away, shaking his head.

"Not like that," Alec said. "Different."

Jace mumbled Alec's name, but crawled up the bed and resumed lying beside Alec. Jace traced his hand down Alec's body, and then gripped his erection as they began kissing once more. Alec laid his hand on Jace's side and sighed against Jace's lips.

"I love you," Alec mumbled.

"I love you to," Jace said, his voice obviously patient. Alec felt himself blush, but what good was making love if someone grew sick of you telling them that you did love them? Jace had to know how Alec felt; that was why they were having sex.

"I'm ready," Alec said. Jace smiled and shook his head.

"You're nowhere close," Jace said.

Jace kissed and touched Alec for a little while, and then Alec began touching Jace, which aroused Jace fully. Soon, he had rolled on top of Alec and was pressing him down into the hard mattress on the bed. Alec was feverishly kissing Jace and gasping often as his fingers gripped and released Jace's body, and Jace was moving against him. Their prominent erections touched often, causing their most sensitive places to respond to every motion, and when Jace finally moved down between Alec's legs once more, Alec pulled his knees apart and shimmied back on the pillows so he could look down and watch Jace.

Jace gave Alec the self assured smile Alec had always loved on him and took Alec's cock into his mouth. He sucked up and down the shaft of Alec's erection. Alec groaned and moved his hips, begging for more, so Jace reached over to the nightstand, got the lubricant, and deposited a few drops onto his first two fingers. He moved his hand lower and Alec watched it disappear beneath his body.

"Relax," Jace mumbled, and then he slipped his fingers inside.

The liquid on Jace's fingers felt cold and slippery, and every bit of heat Alec had been feeling was quickly cooled. Alec flinched, squeezed his eyes shut and pulled one leg up, bracing his foot on the bed. Jace moved his fingers and Alec whimpered a little, causing Jace to withdraw his fingers. When Alec opened his eyes, Jace was gazing up at Alec with a concerned look on his face.

"It was tight," Alec said. "Just try one." Jace sighed.

"Do you want some more wine?" He asked.

"No, Jace. I just want you to go slow," Alec said. "Can you go slowly? Or do you have to rush this the way you do everything else?" Jace sat up and reached down to find his pants. "No. Wait. I'm ready!"

"I need to go to the bathroom," Jace mumbled. "Relax. Have some wine. Put yourself back together. I'll be right back." He touched Alec on the cheek and kissed his lips, then left the room.

Alec lay back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. This afternoon, messing around in the shower, felt so far away from this lonely room on the upper level of the Institute. There were so many rooms in this Institute, a person could disappear for days and not be found until they missed a few meals. Jace could have left Alec up here to his own devices, not that Alec blamed him. It was Alec that had made a mess of things, by being the one who was too needy, needing for Jace to have a condom, and put forth all this effort… how could Alec even look at him after tonight?

Alec sat up in bed and reached down to get his boxers, but the door opened and Jace walked back in.

"That felt amazing," Jace said. He closed the door and leaned against it, studying Alec with glassy eyes. "Where were we?"

Alec lay back down on the bed and Jace climbed in beside them. They resumed kissing, and when Jace began to touch Alec in all sorts of good places, Alec followed his lead and touched Jace in the same places. Jace's lips felt warm and moist against Alec's but Jace smelled like alcohol and Alec was beginning to feel dizzy. He closed his eyes and ignored it.

"Oh, Alec, I always wanted this," Jace mumbled. "We could be lovers, you and I. I know it's against the Clave law, but if I'm going to break the law, I want it to be with someone I love."

Alec rubbed his cheek against Jace's face, moaning in sweet, pleasure filled tones. Jace had reclaimed his hold on Alec's cock, and Alec was not only allowing it, he was moving himself in and out of Jace's slippery hand and reaching down to touch Jace as well.

In time, Jace moved back down between Alec's legs, drizzled more lubricant onto his fingers, and slid them back inside of Alec. This time, either because Alec just wanted it more, or, perhaps, he was a bit more relaxed, Jace's fingers went in easily. He began searching for the place Alec would want touched almost immediately, and once again, Alec pushed down and groaned when Jace finally found it and began to stimulate the nerves there. Alec began to feel filled up inside. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, and the thought of Jace finally entering him nearly caused Alec to finish.

"Does that feel good?" Jace asked. Alec moaned and nodded quickly. He felt drenched in sweat but it felt good. Jace touched him some more, licking the length of Alec's cock several times over, and then, finally, he sat up. "Are you ready?"

Alec opened his eyes and nodded, so Jace reached over to the dresser and lifted up a small square of plastic. He lifted it to his lips, prepared to tear it open, and he looked down at Alec.

"Would you like to put it on me?" Jace asked. "It might make you feel better." Alec stared at Jace, and then at the condom, and then, he took the condom and held it in his hands. It was pre-lubricated, ultra thin, and felt slippery inside the package. "Alec?"

Alec tore open the condom wrapper, dropped it onto the floor, and then rolled the thin sheath of latex down over Jace's cock. When the condom could unroll no more, Alec pulled his hand away and wiped it on the bed. He liked the feeling of Jace's warm cock in his hand and against his body. The condom felt so foreign and wrong.

"Never mind. You don't have to wear it. I trust you," Alec said.

"You asked me to wear one, and so I'm going to wear it," Jace said. "How do you want to be? Stomach or back?"

"Back," Alec said. Jace nodded and took the tube of lubricant. He applied some to himself, and then touched Alec again, moving his fingers in and out. Alec closed his eyes and opened his knees more, giving Jace a chance to touch every inch of him.

"Ready?" Jace asked. Alec nodded and bit his lower lip. Jace leaned over him, kissing Alec on the lips. Jace's left hand took Alec's hips and angled them up just the slightest bit more… and his right hand took his shaft and pressed it into Alec, sliding all the way inside.

Alec might have screamed; he wasn't sure. He only knew that he smacked the back of his head off the pillow and looked down as an awful pain filled his stomach. He thought he was going to vomit but settled for a hiccupping gasp, followed by a pained sob. Jace hadn't done anything to prepare Alec for something that thick going inside such a tight place, and moreover, Jace hadn't even given Alec a chance to get used to it.

"Take it out, please, take it out!" Alec cried. Jace withdrew quickly and looked down at Alec's face, then checked to see if he had hurt him, before looking back up.

"We shouldn't be doing this," Jace said. He sounded frightened, and his eyes finally should vulnerability.

Alec gripped his lower stomach with trembling fingers and steadied his breathing. He had known it was going to hurt; now that he knew how bad the pain could be, he was sure that it wouldn't hurt as bad the second time. It was like the first time he had ichor splashed into his eyes. It had burned and hurt awful and it even blinded him for a moment, but the second time it happened, Alec had known to close his eyes, because while the ichor stung his eyelids, at least it didn't singe his pupils.

"No, it's okay," Alec said. He reached down and took Jace's hand. "Just go slow, okay?"

Jace nodded quickly and again prepared himself. He slipped inside of Alec again, and this time, Alec felt the awful pain again, but he didn't cry out. He just gripped the blanket beneath his and bore the pain. Jace didn't make any sort of noise; he just withdrew a little and slid back inside. Alec felt some part of himself tear and he whimpered a little, closing his eyes as they filled with tears. It wasn't supposed to hurt this bad. This was supposed to be love, not pain.

"Alec," Jace mumbled. "Alec, are you still with me?" Jace touched Alec on the cheek and Alec jerked away, every muscle and nerve on high alert. He felt like he was shivering. The room had suddenly become cold. "Alec."

Alec opened his eyes and looked up at Jace, offering him the ghost of a smile as the tears finally spilled from his eyes. Jace gasped and pulled out.

"Why are you stopping? It feels good!" Alec exclaimed. "It feels really good, Jace, so just…"

"I stopped because you're in agony and I can't see you in pain. I just can't. Not when it's my fault," Jace said.

"It's just the beginning. I'm not into it yet. When I get into it, it's going to feel really good!" Alec said.

"No. I was never into it and neither were you," Jace said. "That's the problem. That's why it hurts."

"But I want you!" Alec cried. "Come back, Jace. It will work, I promise!"

"No, it will never work. I love you, Alec, but not the way I should for something like this," Jace said. "The man you want to make love with should love you the way a lover would. I only love you like my brother and parabatai. I could never love you as anymore than that."

"You're wrong," Alec said.

"What's so wrong with only wanting the best for you?" Jace asked. "There's a better guy for you than me… for this. You're going to be with someone amazing. I think you should wait for him."

"But I don't want to wait for him," Alec said. He felt himself starting to break down. His sobs were uncontrollable. Jace sat beside him on the bed and held his hand. "Is it so wrong to just want love now?"

"Of course not," Jace said. "Love is worth the wait, Alec. True, good love… it's worth the longest wait."

"You're wrong," Alec said again. He rolled onto his side and stared at the wall. Jace lay beside him and began to slowly rub his lower back.

"I'm not wrong, you just don't want me to be right," Jace said. "I love you, Alec. I love you enough to tell you there's someone out there, better for you."

Alec let his tears cloud his eyes as he finally let himself succumb to his first real heartbreak.

They never talked about that night ever again, and Jace went back to being Alec's parabatai. Things were never strained between them. Somehow, each had learned something from the experience, although, neither knew what that something was. In the end, Jace had been right. He couldn't have given his heart to Alec in the manner that Alec was giving his heart to Jace. They would have never worked together as lovers.

In time, Clary arrived at the Institute. Jace found he had eyes for her and Alec hated them both for it, but his bitterness was short lived, for he found a distraction for himself as well.

Six months after that awful night at the Institute, Alec lay down on a huge, soft bed in an apartment across town from the Institute and parted his knees for a warlock that took an hour to make sure Alec was ready. When Magnus finally slipped inside of him, safe in more ways than just condom-wise, it still hurt, but Magnus kissed Alec's lips and whispered sweet, perfect words until Alec could breathe again. Alec raked his nails down Magnus's back and found himself suddenly thankful that his second time was much, much better than his first.

**The End**

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading this. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review as you wish!<strong>


End file.
